Here I Am
by Miss Strange
Summary: Kai's suffocating. He can't breathe, he can't think, all he wants to do is forget. Cutting helps him for now, but what happens when the need to forget becomes too great? Will he take his life or can his friends learn of his methods before it's too late?
1. Would I?

06/30/200611:16 PM

Here I Am

Created by:

Miss Strange

Thanks goes to my cousin, whose song I based my story on!

**EDITED**

Jin: Disclaimer: Don't own Beyblade, but she does own everyone that is not from the show. Thank-you.

**Chapter 1:**

**Would I?**

**------------------------------------------------------------**

I'm standing at the edge of the rooftop of the seventeen story building, pondering on whether I should jump or not.

The wind, gentle as ever, caresses my cheek and ruffles my hair, as if I was a little boy playing in the park. I gaze up at the sky; it was gray, no sunlight shining through the thick dreary puffs. It made everything seem…drearier…_As if that was even possible._ I thought to myself with a roll of my eyes.

I lean against the metal rails that separated me from my death. They were harmless, and not tall enough to stop me from jumping over them. The bars holding it up were at least two feet away from each other. It was as if the people who created it were _encouraging_ me to slip between them and fall to my doom.

_Funny_, I muse,_ I never really believed that I would put myself in this type of situation. Never._

I turn around and lean against it with my arms, my back facing the seventeen story fall and my head floating in the clouds. I wasn't sure if it was right to do this. If I lived—which I highly doubted it—Tala would probably strangle me to death, screaming about how I could be so stupid at times. Ray, Tyson, Hilary, Max, and Kenny would treat me like glass. Fragile. Delicate. Frail. Weak. They'd watch what they'd say around me, ask me retarded questions if I turn a different corner then they do as we walk down the streets or daze into a dream world in the middle of a conversation. I'd hate that. It'd be worse than death: being treated differently because of what I did. They'd probably think that it was awkward to be around me.

"Let's go to a pool!" _Wait…what if Kai decides to drown himself!_

"Let's go see a movie!" _What if Kai decides to sneak a knife in and while he's covered by darkness pierce his heart while we can't see what's going on!_

"Let's play tennis!" _No! What if Kai decides to try and choke himself with the tennis ball or bang his head with the tennis racket! _

They're so predictable; I know what they would say even before it slips out of their big mouth.

I sit on the rail and stare out at the horizon before me. Below, I see hundreds of people walking by, tiny like ants, taking everything for granted, thinking they have the worst luck in the world because they got stuck with the most homework, or their parents won't buy them a cell phone for their sixth birthday, or their sister got her nose pierced and they can't. It pisses me off when I see that: the shining ignorance in their dull eyes.

_Maybe I should jump. One less mouth to feed. One less guy to worry about. One less indifferent person in the world. One less person to love._ Slowly, I begin to think that jumping off was a good idea. I could think up a million reasons why I should jump. But I can't think of any reason why I shouldn't.

"Kai…?"

The door to the rooftop opens; I don't bother looking around; by the voice, I could easily tell who it is.

She joined the Bladebreakers a couple of weeks ago because of her performance.

I never liked her at first. She was always late for practice, she always daydreamed when I was giving orders, and she always had a smile on her face…no matter what, that smile still shines, even today. I wondered why she smiled so much; she smiled when she told us her life was a piece of crap like she didn't care, like she wasn't embarrassed… Maybe I was jealous of her ability, her ability to smile even when all looks lost, even when she's alone.

"Kai, Kai what are you doing up here by yourself? It's dangerous sitting on the rails like that; you could fall over."

I could never ignore that angel voice of hers; it would always echo in my head; it made the memories re-emerge, the painful memories that were supposedly buried in my heart

_Like I care…_And I truly didn't care if I fell over or not. She probably knew what I was thinking, even if I didn't say it aloud. She could always read people like an open book. She can read anyone like that, even strangers.

"You don't care…do you, Kai…" she says, walking towards the rails. She leans against it and stares at me with her bright gray eyes, which was getting pretty annoying…

She switches her gaze to the setting sun. "Pretty, don't you think…?"

I scowl; "pretty" isn't the word I'd use to describe it…

She glances at me; out of the corner of my eye I look into her eyes, but I couldn't see what she was thinking; I couldn't see into her past; I couldn't do what she can do to me.

Just by looking into my eyes, she could read my every thought, she could see into my past and know that I had a rough time; she could understand me as if I was her best friend. Truthfully, it scared me that she could do this. She knew my suicidal thoughts when know one else does, not even Tala, my best friend. Of course, Dranzer had her suspicions…

"Have you seen the world?" she whispers her eyes still glued to the falling star.

I frown, _What kind of question was that?_ I don't understand her motives for that question. Out of the blue she asks me if I've seen the world. _Does it look like I care if I have or haven't!_

She giggles without warning and it makes me think that she was nuts. What kind of person would giggle so suddenly like that? Nothing funny happened. Tyson didn't fall off a cliff so why should she be laughing? "No, it doesn't look like you really care."

There she goes again, reading my thoughts. It gets irritating since she's been doing that for a long freakin two weeks…

"But," she stops laughing and continues, "There are really beautiful sights left in this chaotic world. You shouldn't die because your life is miserable. You have friends, Kai. There's still beauty on this planet, whether you think so or not. A shooting star, a lover's kiss, there's so much you haven't seen, and there's so little that you have."

"Don't give me that crap."

She turns around and stares at me, her grin never leaving her face. She wasn't even puzzled. How can she continuously smile like that? Is it glued to her face or something?

"I've had enough of that b.s. All of that crap about friends and love and beauty, it doesn't concern me in the least bit." I glare; I got off the rails and walked towards the door with my hands in my pocket. "If that's all you've got to say to me, then you've just wasted five minutes of my life."

"If I didn't say what I said, would you have jumped even though I stand here?" She turns around and watches me silently walk down the stairs and slam the door behind me.

_Would I?_

Dusk settled in hours ago; funny how time passes by so quickly when you're debating on whether to die or not.

Barely anyone on the streets except me. It's normal to see that though; who would be taking a walk in the middle of the night?

Her last words echoes through my head over and over again like a broken record. Because of that question, I find myself wondering. _Why didn't jump over? Why didn't I commit suicide? Why didn't I choose death? Was it because of her? Was it because of her presence that affected the outcome of my decision? Or was it because of the reasons she gave me?_ I have so many questions, but I lack so many answers.

I suddenly stop; looking up I saw that I had halted in front of a church.

I was never religious, so why did I end here?

I began to think that I should go back to Tyson's dojo. I didn't belong in a church.

_I don't belong anywhere…_

But either way, I walk in.

The door closes with a loud **THUMP**, but no one comes to kick me out.

Strange that it was still open; it was probably around twelve by now.

I don't bother looking around; I don't really care. Taking a random seat, I sit down, my arms on my knees and my hands supporting my head as I lean over, drowning in my thoughts.

Before I knew it, I dozed off. As I slept, my memories seeped into my dreams, transforming them into nightmares.

It seemed so real, like I went back in time only to go through these horrible events once more.

I felt the blood on my hands.

I smelled the fear in the air.

I heard the screams rebounding off the walls in the hallway.

I tasted the tears.

My body ached.

My head throbbed.

And my hope shattered once more.

The memories buried themselves yet again, but the pain didn't recede.

My dreams took me back to yesterday, when I was on the rooftop of the seventeen story building. I saw the entire scene and the entire time, her words continuously echoed in my head.

_What's my answer? Would I?_

"If I didn't say what I said, would you have jumped even though I stand here?"

What do you think? Good? Bad? Eh?

Jin: Please review on your way out! If you're a flamer, **don't bother!**

Comments and suggestions are welcome! Saying hi is welcomed too!

Sayonara!

-Miss Strange

AKA: Eternal Skies Wish

Ciao!

-Jin

AKA: The Wind Master

&

Miss Strange's Conscience


	2. I Do

**Chapter2:**

**I Do**

**EDITED**

Jin: Don't own, don't own, don't own Beyblade, but own, own, own, things, that, that, are not from, Beyblade, Beyblade!

Read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read, read!

**------------------------------------------------------------**

I walk down the streets; it's around five PM.

I woke up in the church around nine probably and I spent the rest of the day wandering around town with no destination in particular. I hear giggling behind me: fan girls; I try to ignore them. It worked for a few seconds, but how can you ignore laughing females stalking you everywhere you go? Simple: you can't…

I scowl, but it isn't like they care.

It's getting late, and I had better gotten back to the dojo; they were probably worried that I was off dangling from a tree branch, dead.

Before I knew it, I was entering the doorway of the house. My stalkers didn't dare enter the terrain for the female brunette scared them. Last time they did, Hilary yelled at them to get out, but they didn't listen; jealousy got the better of them. Furious, Hilary started clawing out their leader's eyes, ripping off her hair—or was it a wig because it came off pretty easily—and punching and kicking and biting and screaming. It only lasted about ten minutes before they ran off in fear. The rest of the day, Hilary acted as if nothing happened…My point is: females are scary; of course, they don't scare me. I can't say the same for Tyson…getting off topic…

"Kai!" they scream, all rushing towards me anxiously. "Where've you been? What happened? Why didn't you come home last night?" Of course, there was one head missing…

_Too many people talking…_ I think; everyone's screaming out a question and instead of waiting for an answer, another question slips out their big mouths.

"There's too many people talking at the same time; he can't understand it because it's all jumbled with everyone else's questions. And before you ask him another question, wait until he answers your first one."

We turn and look at the source of the voice. It was _her_. Always the voice of reason in panicked situations, always the adviser when you have problems, always the optimist.

And she goes reading my mind again…

She holds a twig in her hands; staring at me, she broke it with two fingers.

"Do you break so easily?"

More unusual, out of the blue questions…What's up with this girl? Why does she ask such weird questions? Why can't she ask _normal_ questions like _normal_ people? Her questions are like riddles that can't be answered until you face the near future!

This time, as she did it, she wasn't smiling…how strange…she looks so serious, her bright gray eyes held knowledge…she knew something that I didn't…

She walks outside carrying the twigs.

"So Kai, where were you?" Kenny askes, sitting down and opening Dizzy.

"None of your business," I snarl, walking towards the bedroom where we're stuck sleeping together…

"It _is_ our business Kai! We were worried about you! You could've gotten kidnapped or who knows what?" Rei protests; I continue walking, but he grabs my arm. "We're not done talking, Kai."

Glancing at him, I say, "This discussion is over. I was around, no big deal." I stare outside; it's getting darker by the second. "It's getting late, get some sleep; we have a long day tomorrow."

"Kai," _that _voice; I turn and stare dully at her, my tired crimson eyes against her knowing gray ones. "Do you?"

I don't answer and instead continue down the hallway; entering the room, I lay down, staring up at the ceiling. _Great,_ I think to myself, _More things to think about…_What did she mean by that? Better question: What am _I_ supposed to say?

That keeps me up all night, that and the thought of seeing those memories in my sleep. I couldn't take that risk. They seemed so real, like if I reached out I would touch them, I would feel their warm flesh, and that was a bit scary…

I roll over to my right and face the corner, a few hours later I hear the door open and close. Everyone comes in and takes their place in the sleeping bag.

No one bothered to say good night.

Minutes later, I hear Hilary's slow breathing, Tyson's ear deafening snore, Kenny's quiet snore, and Rei and Max mutter something in their sleep, but there is one person I don't hear slumbering.

I sit up, curiosity getting the better of me; she _is_ apart of the Bladebreakers, so I can't really help but worry about her…but it was only a little bit…

Looking around, I couldn't see her slim figure lying atop her dark blue sleeping bag. I couldn't sense her presence. I quietly call her name, but she doesn't answer. I stand up and tip toe to the door, silently opening, leaving, and then closing it.

Walking down the hallway, I can still hear Tyson's snores…He is _that_ loud. His grandpa doesn't even snore as loud as he does!

No one is in the living room, so I enter the kitchen. The lights are on, and there she is, half her body on the table, her face buried in her left arm. In her right is a cup of water.

_Guess she couldn't sleep._

No sense in waking her; she would bug me to no end with weird questions. It is late at night and I don't need any more problems!

I pry the white mug from her delicate, cold hands. Her body is always cold, like she was dead. I'm not sure why though. The first day she came to practice late, she tripped over her own big feet. On instinct, I caught her, but when my warm body touched her freezing one, I dropped her. It was funny, seeing her spread out on the ground like that, face in the dirt, eyes staring up at me in confusion and irritation. But I didn't laugh.

I pour the water in the sink and then wash the cup. She groans and then sits up, groggily wiping her eyes.

"What—" she yawns, stretching her hands, "Happened?" she finishes, staring around the kitchen and finally leaving her gaze on me.

"You fell asleep," I shrug, focusing on cleaning the cup; after I finish, I turn off the faucet and place the cup down.

"What time is it?"

Again, I shrug, not really carrying what time it is. All I knew is that it's late…

Silence…ear deafening silence…awkwardness is in the atmosphere…I take a seat across from her and stare at my hands. How weird…Usually, someone would say _something_…of course it was never me…I'm not what you call chatty…

I hear her inhale and then exhale. _Was she as uneasy as me?_

It bothers me because sometimes when I'm around her, I get emotional…something that I'm unaccustomed to. All of these unwanted feelings start to resurface; I could've sworn that I buried them years ago! But it feels…odd…I get these thoughts from each feeling, and it's just odd because I've never received them before…and whether I like it or not, I continue to receive them when she's around me…curses…But the good thing is that I've never felt _that_ emotion…love…My stomach churns just thinking about it…

"Did you find an answer…?"

I look up; she's staring at me curiously.

_How can I find an answer to a question I don't understand?_

She smiles, but her grin is different than her regular smiles…it is…sad. Behind her cheerful face, she's possibly in pain, mourning for her late family. Sometimes, I think that her joyfulness is just an act; something to keep us from worrying about her.

Not knowing what I was doing, I suddenly blurt out the thought that first appeared in my mind.

"Sometimes…when I wake up in the middle of the night…I hear sobs." I stare into her eyes; her grin fades to nothingness and I think I saw a flash of pain…or was it just my imagination? "Is it you…?"

Her gaze falls to her hands; slowly, she stands up and exits the kitchen. Glancing at me, she says, "Good night, Kai." Soon after, she leaves for bed.

_Good night…_

See? Emotional…since when did I ever say good night to anyone? It's a good thing I didn't say it aloud…or that would be a bit more shocking…

As I walk back to bed, I think about the question. Maybe I did understand it a bit, but I just denied it…maybe…

Strangely, I feel sorrow well up in my heart…or what's left of it… Maybe I did have an answer…

Laying down on my stomach on my so called "bed", I bury my face in my pillow.

"We all break, Kai."

I raise my head and turn around towards the source of the noise. It is obvious that it was _her_. No one in this house says anything as weird and abnormal as she does. I bet no one in the world says things like she does! Plus, she kind of etched her voice into my head…

I lay on my back and stare up at the ceiling, or where I thought the ceiling is--it's so dark that when I stare up all I can see is black, as if we were trapped in a dungeon. That thought makes me feel sick to my stomach, since I was stuck in a room that resembled a dungeon for a while when I was with Voltaire…

I turn around and face the corner. I seem to turn there when I want to think, like it was my own little world.

_Maybe I do break so easily…_

So, what do you think? I thought it was pretty good.

Jin: nods

I loved the reviews I received! Even though I've only probably five—I'm too lazy to check—it's wonderful to know that some bothers to read this!

Jin: Review on your way out, don't talk to strangers as you exit, and please, if you feel like beating the crap out of someone, please don't stain the carpet!

Lol. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye!

Jin: And don't forget to review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review, review! gasp Oh no! Her repeating disease has spread to me! NO!

5


	3. Addiction

**Chapter 3:**

**Addiction**

**Hello! It's been a while, huh? Yeah….so….well anyways, I was bored and so I decided to reread some of my stories, see what I can do to make it better or add a new chapter, and so while I was reading this, my interest perked up!**

**Jin: …wow…I didn't realize you wrote about these things… It was really deep too….lol I didn't know you were capable of such things!**

…**yeah…me neither…well either way, I hope you enjoy this next chapter, and now that my writer's block for this story is gone, I can tell you that I'll be updating a lot more!! Though it may be slow updates….**

**Jin: One step at a time, one step at a time.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the OCs (like Renault and the girl) and such and yada yada. I hope you enjoy!**

**----------------------------------**

It is loud—obviously, because I'm stuck with Tyson and he's probably the loudest pig I'll ever meet. When my eyes opened and adjusted to the bright blinding lights, I noticed that everyone else was up, not because I sat up and looked around, but because I could hear the chit chats coming from the yard.

I stand up and drag myself to the bathroom; staring at myself in the mirror, I notice how pale I look. My hair is messy and my eyes have slight bags under them, because I've been sleeping at around two or three these past few days.

I glance at the clock; it's noon. I'm surprised I didn't wake up at six; I must've been exhausted last night…

I deliberately brush my teeth slowly; that gives me time to myself so that I can plan out what I should do for the day.

They don't need to train today; I was supposed to assign them five miles at seven, but since I woke up so late, there's really no point. Besides, I feel tired.

On days like this, I'd like a good cut to the arm so that the jolt can wake me.

I change into my clothes for the day and then leave the dojo, passing by my teammates on the way.

"Hey, Kai, where are you going?" Tyson asks.

"Aren't we supposed to train today?" I feel Rei place a hand on my shoulder; I jerk away, growling under my breath at the contact. I don't like to be touched by people; it's disgusting and disturbing. I'm not exactly _scared_ of it, it's just creepy…and not to mention that I don't know when the hands are going to start beating me—something I picked up from my childhood.

"Not anymore," I answer, exiting and heading in any which direction.

"What are you going to do?" I recognize the voice as Max.

I want to yell back my answer, yell it loud and clear just so I can get it out of my system. _I'm going to buy a pocket knife!_

I hear them shouting things at me, asking when I will be coming back, where am I going; I don't answer, and instead, I continue walking, my hands in my pockets, my scarf around my neck even though it's supposed to be 80 degrees today.

Instantly, once I'm away from my "friends," I feel my muscles relax; it's not _them_ per se, it's everyone, it's the whole world.

I don't like human touch, I don't like human contact, I don't like humans p_eriod_.

I guess it's another thing I picked up from my childhood. Boris and Voltaire always found it funny when I cried out in pain, and their lackeys weren't any help either. There are few people in the world I can tolerate, one of them being Tala.

Suddenly, I find that I have stopped at a thrift shop. I look in through the window; they have clothes, and other junk; I think silently to myself, wondering if they happened to have some sort of knife in there.

Now that I'm away from all of the noise and such—barely any people come to this part of town, for it's known for the homeless and thieves—my urge for a painful thrill has died down, but I still want to buy a pocket knife, just incase.

I enter the store, and when the door opens, the bell at the top jingles annoyingly; I hate stores such as these, with the little bell; it's irritating to listen to.

Looking around, I see shelves of clothes and such, and near the counter with the register is glass ledge with useless materials—i.e. watches (which are probably broken), worthless pins and pens, bracelets and necklaces, the sort.

"Ah, well, well, well, if it isn't the infamous Kai Hiwatari!" a deep voice bellows; the person sounds familiar. I see a man standing in front of a door-less entrance behind the counter. He's tall and burly, a red bandana tied around his head, three earrings in his left ear, and a golden ring on his third finger on his left hand.

I smirk, nodding towards him as a way of saying hello. "Bartholomew," I say. I know him from a few years back; he's a foreigner who used to work for a night club that I had found in the middle of the night. Nice man; strangely large, but nice. He's one of the people I can tolerate. He doesn't ask bothersome questions and he doesn't care whether I'm suicidal or not.

He leans against the flat surface and grins at me; it looks like a bear grinning at its prey….

"How've you been?" his voice his rough.

I frown and prop my arm up on the smooth glass. "Peachy," I glare.

He raises a brow, "Oh, I see. Life sucks that much huh?"

"Yes," I sigh.

He drops the subject. After an uncomfortable air of silence, he asks, "So, what brings you here?"

"I'm looking to buy a penknife." I reply; he didn't give me a confused look, he didn't bombard me with hundreds of questions, he just merely smiles and nods.

"I have exactly that!" He turns around and enters the room in the back, and then seconds later, he reappears with a new, shiny jack-knife in his hands, and a large grin on his face. He hands it to me, and I examine it; it's fully intact, and the blade is sharp.

I place it against the palm of my hand, and with a little push, it cuts open the flesh easily and quickly.

He hands me some bandages, saying, "I thought you might do that, so I came prepared." I silently thank him and then wrap it around my hand, and then wipe the gleaming blade.

"Well?"

"It's perfect," I tell him, smirking. "How much?"

Bartholomew only laughs and slaps my shoulder--I try not to fall because his hand is so large and heavy--there's a warm smile in his eyes. "'How much?' You're joking right? For you, it's on the house!"

"I can pay," I protest, frowning. I don't like people doing me favors, because then I'm in their debt and I must repay them back… I dislike that feeling, the feeling of being powerless.

"Nonsense! If it bothers you that much, then…" he pauses to think for a moment. "My price is that you come visit me and my wife as often as possible! I've got a baby girl you know," he grins proudly, puffing out his chest. "Three years old! We used to have a boy, two years older than she is now, but he died, so it'd be nice if you could be something like a brother to her! So how 'bout it?"

I nod hesitantly, unsure; did I really want to be around a little girl? I hate kids…they're whiny, and greedy, and loud…much like that fat pig Tyson.

He disappears and then comes back with a pen and a sheet of paper, scribbling down his address. He must've seen my glower, because as he's giving me the paper, he says, "Don't worry, friend, my daughter isn't like other children; she's quite content with what she has, and my wife is just like me!" At this, I imagine a muscular female with dark eyes and a beard—scary thought….

"She won't ask anything of your past or your current life; we'll just enjoy your presence."

I pocket the knife and the sheet, and then leave without a word; I hear him tell me, "Good bye, Kai, come back soon!"

I start walking further into the "bad" part of town, intent on one destination. It was a little spot I used to go to when I was younger when I couldn't take the cruelties of reality; I stopped a few years ago, but then, lately, I've been going back. I turn left, into an abandoned part of the city; it used to be a bustling part, but then a disease started spreading around and they left it ever since. I hear they're going to rebuild the place to attract more people.

But the homeless have taken residence there now, just to get out of the rain or the sweltering heat, just to have a place to call "home."

I doubt they really care though.

Past it is a forest; a bit deeper into the woods is a red bridge and a river. The bridge isn't used for anything; it's just for show. No one ever goes into the forest anymore; they say the bears became a problem, and the mosquitoes are a pain, and that they'd prefer their computers and video games.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that I've just arrived at the bridge. Its color is wearing out; I can see the brown underneath the red, and there's a large hole in the middle of the walkway.

I slip under the bridge; there are patches of grass here and there, but the dirt is dry. The soft noise of the river gently and slowly rushing downstream is enough to calm me. I sigh and sit down, leaning my head against the bridge, staring up at the wooden boards.

**And then I'm asleep.**

**And I'm trapped.**

**Trapped in my memories.**

**Trapped in my nightmares.**

I want to wake up; I want to see the brown dirt, I want to see the grass, I want to see the bridge, I want to get back to reality!

**The smell of blood is fresh.**

**The laughter is loud and cruel.**

I don't want to see _them_; I don't want to relive my past! _I want to wake up!_

**Stings from the whips…**

**Bruises from the beatings…**

No, no, no!

"_**One day, I'm going to kill him and make him pay for what he's done to us!"**_

"_**Yeah!"**_

"_**We'll make them hurt just like we did!"**_

"_**Yeah!"**_

Wake up!

"_**What happened?"**_

"_**It hurts, Tala…it hurts…"**_

"_**Did they beat you?!"**_

"…_**N…no…"**_

"_**Then why does it hurt on your chest?"**_

No, I don't want to see it anymore, I don't want to remember, I want to forget! I want to wake up!

"_**Isn't that where your heart is? Are you having a heart attack!?"**_

"_**I…I don't know…but it hurts…"**_

"_**Are you sure they didn't hit you?"**_

"_**They didn't…but it feels like something is being ripped out…"**_

"_**Your heart is being ripped out?!"**_

"_**It hurts, Tala, it hurts badly."**_

"_**D-don't worry, I'll get Bryan, he'll know what to do!"**_

WAKE UP!

My eyes shoot open; my breathing is heavy and I can feel sweat slide down the side of my face. I clutch at my chest, suddenly feeling a surge of pain. I grit my teeth. It hurts so much, and yet I didn't even hit myself; medicine can't cure this kind of pain; bandages can't heal it.

I need a way out; I need an escape, something to help forget about all of this, about the pain I'm feeling right now.

And only one route stands out.

I fumble about through my pockets, looking for the knife. I flip it open and then quickly press it to my arm. And then, as I feel the burning sensation, I relax. The pain from the knife overrides the pain from my chest, and it makes me feel lightheaded, makes me forget; I feel a jolt of adrenaline from it, and my senses heighten. It's like beer, but it's better. It's more addictive, and I don't have to waste money each time.

The warm crimson fluid flows down my arm, staining my skin and the ground red, dyeing the once green grass.

I pull the knife away and then wipe it against my shirt, returning it back to my pocket.

Shakily, I stand up, still a bit dazed from the dream—correction, nightmare—and the "medication." For a few minutes, I just stand there, breathing, trying to calm myself; I wipe the perspiration away and I take off my scarf and wrap it around the cut. When I feel like I don't look like a crazed teenager, I start walking back to Tyson's place.

It's dark; I guess that I must've fallen asleep for more than a couple of hours.

As I leave the poor part of the city and enter the more "sophisticated" parts, I see people glance at me and the cloth I have wrapped around my left arm. They're whispering things to each other and pointing at me; I glare at them, narrowing my eyes dangerously and they back up.

Finally—after much walking, glaring, and growling at the passersby who kept staring at me—I reach the front door of the dojo. I open it and step inside, and just as before, everyone jumps up in surprise and relief, and the "Thousand Questions Game" begins.

"Where've you been?"

"We were so worried about you!"

"What happened to your arm?"

"We tried looking for you but we couldn't find you!"

"How can you be so stupid; what if you got kidnapped?!"

I sigh and roll my eyes and then walk past them into the kitchen. I'm hungry; I haven't eaten breakfast or lunch, and now I just want to make a sandwich in peace.

But obviously, they're not letting me.

"Kai, where have you been?" Kenny yells at me; I'm not sure if he's angry or hysterical—possibly both. His hair covers his eyes—frankly, I'm surprised he doesn't trip over things or slam into walls—and his glasses are way too high.

"Around," I mutter, opening to the refrigerator to get out the necessary ingredients. It's a surprise that Tyson hasn't gobbled it all down yet.

_Hm, the mayonnaise is new. _I think to myself, ignoring their very existence. _I guess that pig Tyson did get to the food after all._

"Kai, listen—listen to what we're—what are you doing?!" Tyson asks—he's loud, very loud; I have half a mind to shove the jar of mayonnaise in his mouth.

"Are you listening to me?!" Tyson shouts crossly; I inwardly smirk at his irritation.

I put the jars and bags back into the refrigerator, and then I pick up my sandwich and sit at the couch—with everyone screaming and following—and then I sit down and eat silently, staring at the blank screen of the TV.

And oh joy, the next person who screams in my ear is the loud female.

"KAI!!" Hilary screeches from right beside me.

"What?" I hiss, glaring at her. She grins triumphantly, happy that she got my attention—I think I'd like to shove a jar down her throat too… "I'm trying to eat," I growl impatiently.

She calmly takes in a breath and says, "You can eat _after_ you've answered our questions."

"For starters," Max begins, "Where've you been all day?"

Have I not already established where I've been?

"Around," I repeat.

I wonder where the weird one is; probably outside…sleeping against a tree or something… If I'm lucky, maybe she moved.

I'm never that lucky.

"Well that doesn't tell us much…" Max mumbles, frowning. I ignore him, not really caring.

"Can you be more specific?" Rei asks; I can see a tick mark on his forehead.

"No," I answer, taking another bite out of my sandwich.

"Why not?" he huffs angrily, "We're your friends, Kai; we've been worrying about you the entire day!"

I swallow the food in my mouth before speaking; I'm not going to talk with my mouth full like that pig…. "I never asked for friends," I say, "And I'm afraid I don't understand how my business concerns you!"

Tyson tries to lighten up the mood, saying, "Like Rei says, we're friends; it's our duty to be nosy." He laughs, but no one else does.

I'm not hungry anymore; all of this interrogation made me lose my appetite, so I stand up, head into the kitchen and throw the rest of the sandwich into the trash can, and then head for our "bedroom."

"Kai!" they yell after me, and then I feel two of them grab my arm and yank me back.

"Why are you so secluded?" Rei asks.

Tyson nods. "Why can't you trust us?"

"We're your friends, aren't we?" Max adds; there's a small hopeful grin on his face.

"Yeah," Hilary agrees—oh great—and includes her little part to the speech. "Don't be such a jerk!"

"We won't turn on you," Kenny says quietly.

I know they're just trying to help, and what they're saying is suppose to help me understand why they're doing what they're doing, but all I feel is a heave of anger. I'm mad that they won't leave me alone, I'm mad that they're so meddlesome; why can't they understand?

"We're your friends…"

Why don't they understand?

I never asked for friends.

I never asked them to be worried.

It's not my fault that they spent their day looking for me!

I never asked for any of this!

I whip around, furious, and yell, _"I never asked for friends!"_

And then I turn around and leave them, speechless, shocked, and the first one to recover is Rei.

I hear him shout, "What are you so scared of, Kai?!"

I'm not scared of anything. Why would I be scared of having friends? I just don't want the responsibilities it brings; it's too troublesome. I don't want to feel the emotions it carries, I don't want them to pat my back and congratulate me—I don't want any of that. I just want to be alone. I just want to forget.

I sit down on my makeshift bed and lean against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. Then I close my eyes, and just let myself put everything that's happened behind me; I listen to myself breathe, and the crickets chirp outside, and I ignore the sounds from coming from the house and my "friends." I ignore their arguing and their shouts, and I ignore the crying I hear that's probably coming from Hilary.

I fall into a dreamless sleep; all I can see is darkness, but I hear everything around me. I hear the door open, and then I open my eyes and glance at the doorway. The team's coming in quietly; they all pause to stare at me for a moment, and then get into their regular spots on the ground.

It's the second night in a row that no one says good night.

About an hour later, they fall asleep, and then I deem it safe for me to do the same; the nightmares didn't come the last time I took a light doze, so it might not come this time.

"_**Ow! Grandpa, that hurts!"**_

"_**You stupid boy! You're so weak; is this how I raised you!?"**_

"_**I'm sorry Grandpa!"**_

"_**Sorry isn't going to cut it, Kai!"**_

"_**I'll try harder, I'll get better!"**_

No, not again!

"_**Let's run away,"**_

"_**Run away?"**_

"_**Yeah; together. Just you, me, Bryan, Ian, and Spencer and Renault!"**_

"_**Yeah!"**_

Make it stop!

"_**Renault! Renault! Wake up, you have to wake up!"**_

"_**Kai, Kai stop it."**_

"_**But, but he's—"**_

"_**He's dead."**_

"_**No, no he can't be—we—we're supposed to run away together! He can't be dead!"**_

"_**I'm sorry, he is."**_

"_**He promised us! He promised! And he never breaks his promises!"**_

I don't want to see it again, not again, not ever! It's too painful…it hurts too much… Wake up! Wake up!

"_**I guess this time… he won't be able to keep his promise."**_

"_**But…but…"**_

"_**It's time to let it go."**_

"_**No…no, he can't…He's not…"**_

"_**I'm sorry Kai."**_

Wake up! Please, wake up! Someone, help me wake up!

"_**It hurts, Tala, it hurts badly."**_

I wake up gasping for breath. The images and memories are fresh in my head, and the voices, the damn voices are still there, screaming, crying.

And I can't breathe.

I'm suffocating, and my chest hurts; I feel like I'm about to burst.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe!

I get up to my feet, my vision is blurring and the room seems to be spinning; I make my way towards the restroom. I feel like my throat is closing up; I can hear my heart beat loud in my ear, and I can't breathe. I still can't breathe. I open my mouth, trying to suck in oxygen. But nothing happens.

_Breathe! Breathe damn it!_

I stumble into the restroom and close the door behind me, locking it, and then I stagger towards the opposite wall and slide down to the floor, fumbling for the pocket knife. Once I've found it, I pull off the scarf and press it to a new spot on my arm, and instantly my throat opens up and I take in a deep breath, filling my lungs with as much oxygen as possible. I cough violently, and my heart's still pounding and I'm still panting, but I'm breathing, and the sting on my arm only makes me remember that I'm alive.

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**Well, what do you think? I found it quite dramatic, and I like it a lot! **

**Jin: We hope you enjoyed it! **

**Please review, and I apologize for any mistakes you might've found.**


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